Long time no post…
So time for a late night/early morning rant I guess? Here are the things on my list: I’m disappointed in my self. I’ve got no money, I’ve procrastinated to such an extreme it’s ridiculous, I’m sleepy but pulling an all-nighter that I probably can’t afford to be doing at this time, and I’m terribly uncomfortable with a LARGE plethora of things right now.
1. - I have no money. I currently have only 10 dollars to my name for a very indefinite amount of time. I’ve no clue how I’ll survive. So I hope my newly decorated dorm room door wins me a prize a week from now. I’ll be spending this week improving it. Did I forget to mention that I’ve only got 10 dollars? I’m up this late with no hope of coffee… Unless I plan on buying some and then rationing it to last a nice long week. Either way, it’s pretty hopeless. I’m ashamed that I only have that much and yet have such a surplus of other things that I can make decorations for my door.
2. - I’ve procrastinated in the most shameful way possible. I’ve got a test that is over a week late. I sat and let myself whine and moan and cower in fear at the idea of my first encounter with the bible in such a setting for the first time ever in my life. (I have no clue if that even made sense. I’m assuming it didn’t since I’m writing at 3am.) Not once in my life have I ever attended a normal church service, or sunday school, or been religious in any way shape or form. I may as well have been raised with out any knowledge that Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Buddism, etc. ever existed. I remember singing songs like “Jesus loves me yes I know…” and other children’s songs, but not realizing once that it had anything to do with the Christian faith. But at the same time, while I got that positive but very vague exposure to religion, my first direct confrontations with it never seemed very charismatic. All in all I’d come to develop a general dislike and discomfort for all types of faith, and a very strong aversion to entering any place of worship. (No this does not mean I’m a satanist.) I’ve also gotten to the point I don’t even agree with anyone calling me an atheist. (Though I let people do it sometimes because it’s easier than trying to explain why I dislike it.) So you can barely begin to imagine how having to write five papers relating to the Christian religion is effecting me. And so. I am ashamed.
3. - I must now pull an all-nighter which will probably result in me falling asleep in miscellaneous places which can and will be very bad considering that I have a quiz that I can not make up if I miss tomorrow. Which is also a quiz that I’ve not studied for. And because of that I’m both up a very dangerous creek with out a paddle and ashamed.
4. - I’m sure I’ve covered part of the reason that I’m uncomfortable right now. But then, there are several other reasons, but at this point I’m too tired to think straight. So I’m thinking I’ll finish one more paper, then bring my laptop to class and work more later. I repeat. I am SO ASHAMED!
